The Holy Spirit Finally Admits Reliance on Worship Band

Nashville, TN-In a rare personal appearance, the Third Person of the Trinity openly admitted that He is often unsure of when to make an appearance, but will simply takes His cues from the worship band. Although this revelation doesn't change the common pattern in most Evangelical churches, since they've been confidently announcing His presence by playing their instruments for decades now, this does call into question the sovereignty of God. "I know it sounds like I'm just showing up because the music is so emotionally compelling, but believe Me, I'm still thinking for Myself. I still choose to be there... sort of." said the Holy Spirit in a slightly agitated tone. 

Popular worship leader and Christian celebrity, Triss Comlin was not at all surprised by this news, saying, "I've been able to make that guy show up every time I play-I'm glad He's finally owning up to it. Hey, it's okay, Holy Spirit, we're a team! He's got nothing to apologize for, as far as I'm concerned."

Other more traditional church leaders were disappointed at what many of them consider favoritism on the part of God Almighty. "We've got a perfectly good, recently restored pipe organ, a theologically sound hymnal and lectionary; yet we are getting overlooked by The Holy Ghost, Sunday after Sunday. Why?" said Pastor I. M. Olde, the coordinator of the Liturgical Lutheran Church Worship Committee.

In a display of uninitiated enthusiasm, the Holy Spirit admitted a fondness for Gibson Les Paul guitars played thru tube-driven amplifiers utilizing true-bypass overdrive pedals. "The Full-Drive 2 cranked into a class B amplifier-it just doesn't get better than that! I'm old school, but I also like some of the looping patterns these kids are doing nowadays." He refused to state His opinion, however, when questioned about the use of digital delay, saying, "I'm not going to cause division in the body of Christ-we must allow room for both digital and analog to co-exist."

To further explain His position and silence the naysayers, the Holy Spirit concluded by saying this, "Look, all three Persons of the Godhead are doing the best they can, and for Me, personally, it just makes sense to go with the flow. I used to have trouble trying to figure out when I should show up, but now I hear those sweet rock licks and-boom-I'm there! If you've got a problem with that well... I guess you're just too religious. No further questions."