Todd White, Bill Johnson and Benny Hinn Race to China To End the Coronavirus!
Todd White, Bill Johnson, and Benny Hinn are going to demonstrate, once and for all, that they are doing “greater works than Jesus!”
In an unprecedented move of supernatural power and public relations, these three Apostles of Faith are dropping all of their lucrative speaking engagements in order to end the Coronavirus.
Here’s Todd White on his way to the airport, thinking about all of the many healings he will soon be facilitating in China.
Bill Johnson, senior pastor at Bethel, Redding, took a few minutes to hold a press conference at the airport before rushing off to the catch his flight. “We know that there is no coronavirus in heaven, and we’re supposed to bring heaven to earth, so this is my chance to prove the validity of my beliefs by actually doing something supernatural-just like Jesus,” said Johnson. He continued in a tone of both pious reflection and pseudo profundity, “I know that I spend a lot of time on stages all over the world telling people how we’re all supposed to do greater works than Jesus, even though I have done nothing even approaching the miraculous works of our Lord, so this is my chance to either put up or shut up.” Reporters were not certain whether Johnson was holding back tears, or if he had accidentally swallowed his breath mint as he left the press conference and handed the keys of his Aston Martin to an assistant who had been struggling with “Papa Bill’s” overflowing cart of Louis Vuitton luggage.
Pastor Bill Johnson’s luggage on its way to China.
Benny Hinn, not wanting to let his declining age or dwindling crowds diminish his reputation as the World’s Greatest Healer, wasted no time catching a first class flight out of Los Angeles on his way to China. Although Pastor Benny did not make the details of his trip public, insiders in his organization, who wish to remain anonymous, reported that he demanded that no layovers in India take place, as he is known to hate the smell of that country.
The newcomer to this trio of Apostles is Todd White, who not only made a public announcement of his plans to end the coronavirus, he also broke into a beatboxing song about how healing the people of China is “normal Christianity.” Mr. White quickly ended his song when he noticed that most of the people in the room had left.
Here’s a photograph of Todd White, outside of the airport in Beijing, checking the first person he met for the coronavirus:
As soon as the coronavirus has been eliminated by these faith healers we will update this article.
On a related note, Kat Kerr was not able to raise the funds to buy a plane ticket to China, but she promises to do her part to end the coronavirus in much the same way as she has moved hurricanes.