(Dateline, Orlando, FL, Mar. 5th, 2019) In a recent press conference, the Holy Spirit spoke about events at The Send, in Orlando, FL on Feb. 23, 2019. “After so many hours of hypnotic, mid-tempo, repetitive music I just had to lay down and close my eyes for a few minutes,” said the Holy Spirit in a somewhat apologetic tone. “Well, that few minutes turned into several hours of blissful, uninterrupted sleep. I must’ve really needed the rest after being conjured up repeatedly throughout the day.” A reporter from Charisma Magazine asked Him, “How did Shawn Bolz get such an accurate word of knowledge about Dennis Melnichuk if you weren’t even awake to feed him the information?” The Third Person of the Trinity shifted uncomfortably in His chair for a moment before replying plainly, “Mr. Bolz did what was necessary under the conditions of the moment: he got a few names off of the The Send registration list and did a quick Google search to retrieve pertinent information for the purpose of building up the saints. Did you see Mr. Melnichuk flopping around like Kermit the Frog? That’s a move of Me: The Holy Spirit.”

After a few whispered gasps could be heard, an awkward pause filled the pressroom as everyone considered the gravity of the situation. A young reporter from the Orlando Examiner asked Him, “Sir, please forgive me if my question is out of line, but basically you’re saying that Shawn Bolz lied… and, and, he pretended to get supernatural help from you when it was really just information he found online? How is that okay?”

The Sovereign God of the Universe seemed unfazed by the confrontational, yet legitimate, question. He answered without hesitation, “Look, here’s how this works: I’m a busy guy, I’m doing stuff for people all day long, so I’m not gonna sit here and apologize for anything. These people wanted to see a “sign from God” and they got exactly what they wanted. I’m all about results, and Shawn Bolz got results.” As if He was energized by His newly-found transparency He continued, “Do any of you people have any idea what it’s like to be shouted at all day long? Have you ever had a stadium full of people begging and pleading for you to do stuff all day long? In the hot Florida sun?? No, you haven’t. I was exhausted, I took a nap, Mr. Bolz did the right thing to appease the sign-seekers, and everyone was happy. In fact, they’re still happy! Even after they learn that the whole thing was fake they refuse to believe it because they like it so much. I call that a success. No more questions.”

The Holy Spirit then made His way to leave, taking with Him a large glass of freshly-squeezed Florida orange juice. The roomful of reporters began to lightly applaud as Benny Hinn pulled up in his gold-plated Ferrari to provide taxi service, as the two were reportedly on their way to attend Lou Engle’s “Kundalini Workout Program.” Mr. Hinn could be heard to say “watch out-this thing doesn’t have cup holders!” as the two sped off, making their way through the Orlando traffic.

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Here’s the video footage of Shawn Bolz doing his cold readings at The Send 2019:

Here’s the video from 2016 where Dennis Melnichuk gives most of the details that Shawn Bolz could easily access to perform his “prophetic word:”

Here are some screenshots from Dennis Melnichuk’s Facebook page and Awakening Generation website, where his other personal details are easy to find and use as cold reading information:

Here’s a brief video that shows how ridiculously easy it is to use social media to pretend you have psychic powers: